Nothing breaks my heart harder than when my kids tell me I've been "caught by the phone witch." I look up and realize--oh my god I'm in this black mirror when everything I've ever wanted is happening right there. And yet I go back, again and again. Monday I'm going to try your list! Definitely #1 for me is morning pages before I look at my phone. That way I can get my head on straight before I let influences in.
It is heartbreaking. "the phone witch!" I love that. Yes to morning pages before phone! so important -- even a short time of that is something I feel helps me the whole rest of the day. Thanks for this xo
This post really resonated with me. Thanks so much for sharing. My boys are only 1 and 3 but this line really hit home: 'How can I help them learn to develop a healthy relationship with their device when I can’t do it myself?'❤️
I think it’s more appropriate to describe ourselves as canon fodder for the attention war rather than juice for the attention economy. It helps me push back with a little more vigor but also give myself a little more self compassion. It is very hard to fight a war by yourself, and those who benefit from the attention war want nothing more than for us to feel alone and compelled to figure things out just for ourselves. Little posts like these are acts of resistance. 😉
My relationship with my phone is complicated by the fact that it links to info from my insulin pump and CGM in real time, so I kind of think of it as a health device too and I can’t be away from it or ignore at least those apps’ alarms and notifications.
One small thing that has worked for me has been putting the apps I don’t feel the need to use less on my main screen…and the rest a few screens back. So I have things like my notes, camera/photos, bird and plant ID apps, music, and reading apps as the first thing I see.
I hear you on having a hard time with email. I’m not there now but I have been (I hated my email when I was teaching in traditional school because it became 99% pathway for onerous tasks, depleting details, and trouble!). It’s really hard to feel balanced when the tone of that app is out of your control.
Thank you for all of this, Violeta. I have the same issue with my migraine apps/notes tracking systems; it's necessary and also can take you down another rabbit hole. I like this practice keeping some apps further back on another page. Such a balance between what is in our control and out of it...
I turned off basically all phone notifications, other than texts/calls from my favorites list. It’s a lovely silence and I have no much less anxiety when I pick up my phone. And I don’t have the urge to look every time I hear a little vibration or ding.
Genius. Taming notifications is so wise. I only have them set to text/calls and calendar stuff, but even that does keep me checking it more than i'd like...
I love your ideas here. I have helped myself a bit by creating a separate space/desk in my office that I am using in the morning for handwriting. My computer and phone stay on my other desk, and I even bought a little clock for this desk so that I'm not tempted to use my phone for anything like a timer. (There's only been a couple of mornings when I've realized I had my phone with me - I jumped up and moved it quickly before it invaded my space!) Once I get back to my computer, I definitely try not to open my email until my writing time is done. I struggle with social media (not so much the scrolling, the algorithms that show more ads or "suggested pages" rather than my friends' posts have turned me off of it anyway) - for me, it's when I post something and then CAN'T STOP checking and checking for reactions. Ugh I hate this for so many reasons. I am going to try one of the apps you suggested because I do need that extra speed bump to remember that I just don't need to be looking every 5 minutes...!
Thanks for sharing this, Robin! I love the way you framed how you moved your phone away from your desk "before it invaded your space." so wise! I *hear* you about the checking once you do post. the algorithm doesn't want you posting and then walking away...would love to hear if the apps help you xo
I have no good answers about my own issues with my phone, but re: attention on multiple tabs when I’m at my desk, the app “Self Control” (free on Macs) helps me lock out any site I want for a specific amount of time. I lose less time to rabbit holes if I am more purposeful in my browsing overall. I’ve noticed that it also calls my attention to the habits of thought I carry into the evenings. I’m trying to be more mindful about my phone, too! The struggle is real!
Thanks for sharing this, Sarah! I haven't tried the self control app—will check it out. It sounds like it would really help avoid the rabbit holes—The struggle is real for sure xo
Nothing breaks my heart harder than when my kids tell me I've been "caught by the phone witch." I look up and realize--oh my god I'm in this black mirror when everything I've ever wanted is happening right there. And yet I go back, again and again. Monday I'm going to try your list! Definitely #1 for me is morning pages before I look at my phone. That way I can get my head on straight before I let influences in.
It is heartbreaking. "the phone witch!" I love that. Yes to morning pages before phone! so important -- even a short time of that is something I feel helps me the whole rest of the day. Thanks for this xo
This post really resonated with me. Thanks so much for sharing. My boys are only 1 and 3 but this line really hit home: 'How can I help them learn to develop a healthy relationship with their device when I can’t do it myself?'❤️
Thank you, Tania! This is really the dark heart of all of this as a parent isn’t it? Thank you for sharing this and solidarity 💛
I think it’s more appropriate to describe ourselves as canon fodder for the attention war rather than juice for the attention economy. It helps me push back with a little more vigor but also give myself a little more self compassion. It is very hard to fight a war by yourself, and those who benefit from the attention war want nothing more than for us to feel alone and compelled to figure things out just for ourselves. Little posts like these are acts of resistance. 😉
ha! yes, canon fodder for the attention war is the perfect way to say it. yes to acts of resistance and to banding together. thank you for this.
My relationship with my phone is complicated by the fact that it links to info from my insulin pump and CGM in real time, so I kind of think of it as a health device too and I can’t be away from it or ignore at least those apps’ alarms and notifications.
One small thing that has worked for me has been putting the apps I don’t feel the need to use less on my main screen…and the rest a few screens back. So I have things like my notes, camera/photos, bird and plant ID apps, music, and reading apps as the first thing I see.
I hear you on having a hard time with email. I’m not there now but I have been (I hated my email when I was teaching in traditional school because it became 99% pathway for onerous tasks, depleting details, and trouble!). It’s really hard to feel balanced when the tone of that app is out of your control.
Thank you for all of this, Violeta. I have the same issue with my migraine apps/notes tracking systems; it's necessary and also can take you down another rabbit hole. I like this practice keeping some apps further back on another page. Such a balance between what is in our control and out of it...
I turned off basically all phone notifications, other than texts/calls from my favorites list. It’s a lovely silence and I have no much less anxiety when I pick up my phone. And I don’t have the urge to look every time I hear a little vibration or ding.
Genius. Taming notifications is so wise. I only have them set to text/calls and calendar stuff, but even that does keep me checking it more than i'd like...
I love your ideas here. I have helped myself a bit by creating a separate space/desk in my office that I am using in the morning for handwriting. My computer and phone stay on my other desk, and I even bought a little clock for this desk so that I'm not tempted to use my phone for anything like a timer. (There's only been a couple of mornings when I've realized I had my phone with me - I jumped up and moved it quickly before it invaded my space!) Once I get back to my computer, I definitely try not to open my email until my writing time is done. I struggle with social media (not so much the scrolling, the algorithms that show more ads or "suggested pages" rather than my friends' posts have turned me off of it anyway) - for me, it's when I post something and then CAN'T STOP checking and checking for reactions. Ugh I hate this for so many reasons. I am going to try one of the apps you suggested because I do need that extra speed bump to remember that I just don't need to be looking every 5 minutes...!
Thanks for sharing this, Robin! I love the way you framed how you moved your phone away from your desk "before it invaded your space." so wise! I *hear* you about the checking once you do post. the algorithm doesn't want you posting and then walking away...would love to hear if the apps help you xo
I have no good answers about my own issues with my phone, but re: attention on multiple tabs when I’m at my desk, the app “Self Control” (free on Macs) helps me lock out any site I want for a specific amount of time. I lose less time to rabbit holes if I am more purposeful in my browsing overall. I’ve noticed that it also calls my attention to the habits of thought I carry into the evenings. I’m trying to be more mindful about my phone, too! The struggle is real!
Thanks for sharing this, Sarah! I haven't tried the self control app—will check it out. It sounds like it would really help avoid the rabbit holes—The struggle is real for sure xo